I just ordered these books off Amazon. I'm desperate for some inspiration.
After school today I went to have an adult conversation with my old/new friend Micah. Our reconnection has been a saving grace and a challenge to tap into some of my presently ignored passions. She recently participated in a symposium at Belmont where she was able to share some of her fiction. She met several interested parties with connections to the publishing world. It has been a rare, inspiring experience for her as well as me as we are reminded that there are infinite possibilities out there.
Public education is somewhat different than I expected. While my former environment left me with no delusions of grandeur, I had higher expectations of this acclaimed (perhaps self-proclaimed) district. I imagined my experiences in the "ghetto" as being the exception to the rule. I am finding that perhaps *it* is the rule. What I imagined to be the profession that would breathe life through me is, at times, sucking the life out of me.
Is this sort of teaching my calling? While I truly desire to inspire lifelong learning and connect that knowledge with my passion for human beings, instead, I am constantly correcting behavior and either dealing with students who have no passion, no desire, no interest... or those who want to incite and antagonize, while therefore sabotaging my lessons. So many of these American teenagers display ego-centric, entitled attitudes, and many educators further encourage those attitudes by coddling them through their academia. How can we truly be preparing them for the "real world" without also teaching responsibility and accountability? Even more troubling is the question of what the "real world" will look like when they enter it.
All is not at a loss; there are redeeming moments. There are students who I feel such a connection with, I know they are part of my purpose. I know that they function as my "meaning." Are they enough to keep my inspiration alive? They have to be for now.