Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Reflections from my pregnancy with Addison

I wrote this poem when I was just shy of 8 months pregnant with Addison, and I just found it. Thought I would share...

"I am"

I am a mommy in the making.
I wonder what my daughter will look like, what her personality will be like.
I hear her curious voice, her melodic laughter.
I see her curly pigtails, her bright eyes, her warm smile.
I want her to know my voice and feel connected to me;
I want her to trust me and feel safe.
I am a mommy in the making.

I pretend that I am not worried or scared.
I feel anxious and excited about the future.
I touch my belly when I feel her move within me.
I worry about each step in this unknown process.
I cry all of the time these days--when I am happy, sad, worried, mad.
I am a mommy in the making.

I understand there is only so much I can control.
I say that I trust God's perfect plan in all of this,
that his mercies and grace are new every morning.
I dream about our relationship as mother and daugther, playing in
park, reading stories.
I try to push out my fears, to focus on my hopes and dreams.
I hope that I can assure her that she is special and loved.
I am a mommy in the making.

This made me thankful for the journey that I have had with sweet Addison so far, the hopes and dreams about her and our relationship that have been realized [those "curly pigtails"--who knew?], and super excited about continuing this journey with Ansley.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Summer Hoorahs

With the craziness of school beginning, I am behind on here. Getting to know new faces and personalities, new minds to mold..., it's kept me occupied :) Aside from my 54 person study hall (that has now dwindled to 37, but almost made me go into preterm labor before today due to stress), I really like my classes and kiddos. We are looking forward to another great year. Being back with my friends has been refreshing too; we celebrated making it through our first "hump day" with students by devouring some gourmet cupcakes at our favorite cupcakery. Calorie therapy. :)

Our last jaunt of the summer was to Atlanta, Georgia to cheer on the Braves and do some shopping. Patrick, Lindsay, Daniel and I spent two and a half hours at Ikea, and I think we got all of our Christmas shopping done for the kiddos. I seriously could have spent 2.5 MORE hours if we'd had time and limitless budget.
The girls took Sawyer to Lenox Mall that morning while the guys took the little girls to Olympic Park to play on the playground. After their naptime and our Ikea adventure, we headed out to Turner Field for some baseball. Our realistic goal was to make it to the 4th or 5th inning. The girls surprised us by making it the whole time--we could not believe it. Little Sawyer was a CHAMP. So chill. Here are some of our pictures.
Look at those struts. :)
Playing her heart out.
Just finished the tomahawk chop.
After Chipper's Double.
Savannah cheering, "Go Braves!" Just this once though because she's a Cardinals fan.

Sawyer checking it all out.
Chilling in the room watching Scoobie Doo on Sunday morning!

We had so much fun! Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Friday, August 06, 2010

My Little Preschooler

This morning Addison began preschool, and we captured the moment with this picture:
Notice her backpack. I got it for her last night at my favorite consignment sale, and she was so excited that she woke up asking for it. Thanks to Daddy for talking up school, there were no tears shed at the drop off this morning. She did keep her backpack on for over an hour though... :) And as soon as I picked her up, she asked for it... And it's still on her back... :) Bless her.

In addition to no tears shed, there was also no nap taken and little to no lunch eaten (She did eat Olivia's apple though)... It will take some time to get back into the groove--for both of us, but they said that she did remarkably well. I am so glad they went ahead and moved her up to the preschool class. She was just ready for it.

Now we are off to HotLanta for the weekend. Hello, IKEA and Turner Field! Can't wait!

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Coloring Prayers

No pictures for this one. Just words.

This summer has been extra special for me. I don't know if it's because I anticipate how our family dynamics are about to change, or because I feel so much relief with Patrick being back in town all the time, or because I have more energy since my thyroid is now functioning... but I have truly felt intentional this summer. I have cherished every memory that my first-born and I have made, and I have soaked in each moment with her being my only child. My heart is already growing immensely in love for sweet Ansley, and I am also soaking in each moment of our precious time as she grows in my belly, so I have felt twice blessed.

During this season, one thing that I have been more intentional about is my prayer time. Pregnancy makes me extra dependent on God. Addison and I have begun our mornings, me with coffee, her with milk, sharing a banana, snuggling on the couch with Dora on the TV, by Bible study materials in hand, and her coloring books in hers. It's been "our thing." I've loved it.

I have my assortment of Pilot Precise pens in my quiet time basket, and I like to vary the ones I use in my prayer journal. Silly, I know, but I think it makes my journal pretty and gives it a little character. More than once this summer, Addison has flipped through my journal, named the colors, and called it a rainbow. She also calls my pens "Mommy's Crayons."

Tuesday morning, I had to take Maggie outside, and when I came back inside, I found sweet Addison with Mommy's Crayons scribbling in my journal. Wide-eyed and excited, she immediately exclaimed,


While my neat freakishly OCD tendency (about my journal and my writing--if only that transferred to other areas...) wanted to grab up my journal and scold her for misusing it, I stopped and reflected and smiled. What a pure and innocent way to look at praying. She inspired me, and instead, I wrapped her up in my arms and squeezed her extra tightly.

In my quiet time this week, I've been reflecting on the sacrifice of time. How do I spend it? Where does God fit in? Is it out of need, desire, obligation? Probably, a myriad of combinations of the above. What is important is that I choose to allow time for worshiping my Creator. So often, I feel silly about the requests I bring to God--fearing that they are trivial and inconsequential even though they feel pivotal to me. Yet, I've kept on seeking, asking, praying. Some of the verses that I read reminded me that my time with Him is not purely for my benefit, but that he also delights in time with me. What a beautiful mystery. He longs for me to bring my heart to Him, to dream and imagine with Him.

To COLOR my prayers.

And my little girl confirmed that in my heart.