This summer has been extra special for me. I don't know if it's because I anticipate how our family dynamics are about to change, or because I feel so much relief with Patrick being back in town all the time, or because I have more energy since my thyroid is now functioning... but I have truly felt intentional this summer. I have cherished every memory that my first-born and I have made, and I have soaked in each moment with her being my only child. My heart is already growing immensely in love for sweet Ansley, and I am also soaking in each moment of our precious time as she grows in my belly, so I have felt twice blessed.
During this season, one thing that I have been more intentional about is my prayer time. Pregnancy makes me extra dependent on God. Addison and I have begun our mornings, me with coffee, her with milk, sharing a banana, snuggling on the couch with Dora on the TV, by Bible study materials in hand, and her coloring books in hers. It's been "our thing." I've loved it.
I have my assortment of Pilot Precise pens in my quiet time basket, and I like to vary the ones I use in my prayer journal. Silly, I know, but I think it makes my journal pretty and gives it a little character. More than once this summer, Addison has flipped through my journal, named the colors, and called it a rainbow. She also calls my pens "Mommy's Crayons."
Tuesday morning, I had to take Maggie outside, and when I came back inside, I found sweet Addison with Mommy's Crayons scribbling in my journal. Wide-eyed and excited, she immediately exclaimed,
"LOOK, MOMMY! I'M COLORING PRAYERS."
While my neat freakishly OCD tendency (about my journal and my writing--if only that transferred to other areas...) wanted to grab up my journal and scold her for misusing it, I stopped and reflected and smiled. What a pure and innocent way to look at praying. She inspired me, and instead, I wrapped her up in my arms and squeezed her extra tightly.
In my quiet time this week, I've been reflecting on the sacrifice of time. How do I spend it? Where does God fit in? Is it out of need, desire, obligation? Probably, a myriad of combinations of the above. What is important is that I choose to allow time for worshiping my Creator. So often, I feel silly about the requests I bring to God--fearing that they are trivial and inconsequential even though they feel pivotal to me. Yet, I've kept on seeking, asking, praying. Some of the verses that I read reminded me that my time with Him is not purely for my benefit, but that he also delights in time with me. What a beautiful mystery. He longs for me to bring my heart to Him, to dream and imagine with Him.
To COLOR my prayers.
And my little girl confirmed that in my heart.